Drew is mad because he wanted to be in the middle. Can you say DRAMA? LOL Gotta love that that's his only worry! :)
Start where you are. . . Part II
9 years ago
Friday, January 22, 2010
Monday, January 04, 2010
The Uncertainties in Life
Some friends of ours son was involved in a terrible car wreck on Christmas Eve. He is in ICU in Savannah and all of the emotions that his parents express are the same ones I remember feeling when the Drew and Kaylea were in the NICU.
Although our faith in God was so strong (as is Renee and Tim's) it was so hard to hand over everything to Him to take care of. As Tim and Renee write on their caringbridge site, it's the unknown that's the torture....sheer torture. I remember saying to myself thousands of times, if we just knew what life would be like, we would deal with it. But it was the unknown that haunted us. I looked back in the private journal that I kept and here is one of the entries (which I've never shared before and no one even know I documented...not even Shane)
March 1, 2004 - Day 21
We were told that we would have good days and bad days and well, Thursday was a VERY bad day. We were told that both Drew and Kaylea have Grade III brain hemmorages. How can this be? I had such a great pregnancy and to be told this I just don't understand. Are my babies going to ok? I can't help but wonder what their quality of life will be. The internet is a great source of information, but can also be too much information as well. I have read and read and read searching for every bit of hope that it will offer me. An ultrasound is what showed the grade of hemmorage and so the doctors ordered a CAT scan just to compare and it did verify this. The doctor was as positive as he could be. He said that Grade I and II you can usually see no signs of the bleeds once the children are older. It's the Grade III's and IV's that are a lot more serious. Grade IV is definitely cerebral palsy, Grade III is hit or miss. It could be that they have CP as minor as having to stretch a little longer as the next kid at baseball practice all the way to complete wheelchair bound. Dr. Troup did say that with Drew and Kaylea doing so well with breathing on their own and tolerating their feeds that that is a really good sign but the future cannot be foreseen and we will not know the extent of their developmental state until between the ages of 1 and 2. We are choosing to withhold complete details from the family. We are telling them that there are brain bleeds but we are not telling the severity for the simple fact as it will not help the outcome and will only cause worry. As parents, it's just something that we do not really want others to know and then them look at our babies and feel sorry for them. We will do whatever it takes to give them access to the best care, whatever that may be.
Even though we've had a set back, we continue to thank God that things are going just as they are. Even though the news hasn't been ideal and isn't how we had planned it, we know that things could be so much worse. We're praying that God will just continue to wrap his arms around our babies and keep them safe in His hands.
I remember the day that we got that news as if it were yesterday. Although it seems like a lifetime ago, sometimes it seems like yesterday. I was a complete emotional wreck which is so not me. I always have it together and I just couldn't seem to keep it together. Looking back, that's why God put Shane with me. Although he was very worried as well, he was my ROCK! He was what I needed! I remember going to our room at the Ronald McDonald House and just laying there with Shane wondering how in the world this could be happening to us!
And now, almost 6 years later, it is a distant memory. A memory forever etched in our minds, but nevertheless, distant. That's my prayer for Tim and Renee and Jordan's wife, Heather. That in a few years, on each Christmas eve, when their family is together and they are reading the Night Before Christmas with their grandchildren, that the heartaches they are having today, will be a distant memory to them then.
Although our faith in God was so strong (as is Renee and Tim's) it was so hard to hand over everything to Him to take care of. As Tim and Renee write on their caringbridge site, it's the unknown that's the torture....sheer torture. I remember saying to myself thousands of times, if we just knew what life would be like, we would deal with it. But it was the unknown that haunted us. I looked back in the private journal that I kept and here is one of the entries (which I've never shared before and no one even know I documented...not even Shane)
March 1, 2004 - Day 21
We were told that we would have good days and bad days and well, Thursday was a VERY bad day. We were told that both Drew and Kaylea have Grade III brain hemmorages. How can this be? I had such a great pregnancy and to be told this I just don't understand. Are my babies going to ok? I can't help but wonder what their quality of life will be. The internet is a great source of information, but can also be too much information as well. I have read and read and read searching for every bit of hope that it will offer me. An ultrasound is what showed the grade of hemmorage and so the doctors ordered a CAT scan just to compare and it did verify this. The doctor was as positive as he could be. He said that Grade I and II you can usually see no signs of the bleeds once the children are older. It's the Grade III's and IV's that are a lot more serious. Grade IV is definitely cerebral palsy, Grade III is hit or miss. It could be that they have CP as minor as having to stretch a little longer as the next kid at baseball practice all the way to complete wheelchair bound. Dr. Troup did say that with Drew and Kaylea doing so well with breathing on their own and tolerating their feeds that that is a really good sign but the future cannot be foreseen and we will not know the extent of their developmental state until between the ages of 1 and 2. We are choosing to withhold complete details from the family. We are telling them that there are brain bleeds but we are not telling the severity for the simple fact as it will not help the outcome and will only cause worry. As parents, it's just something that we do not really want others to know and then them look at our babies and feel sorry for them. We will do whatever it takes to give them access to the best care, whatever that may be.
Even though we've had a set back, we continue to thank God that things are going just as they are. Even though the news hasn't been ideal and isn't how we had planned it, we know that things could be so much worse. We're praying that God will just continue to wrap his arms around our babies and keep them safe in His hands.
I remember the day that we got that news as if it were yesterday. Although it seems like a lifetime ago, sometimes it seems like yesterday. I was a complete emotional wreck which is so not me. I always have it together and I just couldn't seem to keep it together. Looking back, that's why God put Shane with me. Although he was very worried as well, he was my ROCK! He was what I needed! I remember going to our room at the Ronald McDonald House and just laying there with Shane wondering how in the world this could be happening to us!
And now, almost 6 years later, it is a distant memory. A memory forever etched in our minds, but nevertheless, distant. That's my prayer for Tim and Renee and Jordan's wife, Heather. That in a few years, on each Christmas eve, when their family is together and they are reading the Night Before Christmas with their grandchildren, that the heartaches they are having today, will be a distant memory to them then.
Friday, January 01, 2010
Playing Catch Up! Part 2
For the last few years, we have always opened gifts at my mom's on Christmas Eve. I say that because of the next picture that I am going to post. Christmas Eve night we were ready to throw out the reindeer food and i wanted everyone in their Christmas pajamas. Well, Drew would not cooperate. He wanted to wear his Spiderman costume that he got from my mom and since it was Christmas Eve and I didn't want the hassle of that battle, I just threw my hands up and said "Ok" :) With that said, here they are throwing out food for the reindeer.
The excitement of Christmas with little ones gets better each year. I could not wait to see the reaction to the kids with what all they got. Drew asked for drums, Kaylea asked for a bubblegum machine, and Will wanted a motorcycle.
Playing Catch Up! Part 1
The holidays are always so busy at our house. Starting with Thanksgiving until the end of the year.
When we arrived home from Thanksgiving, Kaylea quickly noticed that there was an Elf on our mantle with a book next to him. The kids were shocked but Kaylea was INTRIGUED! I got the elf down and we started looking at him. After a few minutes, I asked them to sit in my lap so that we could see what the book said. As I read the book, we found out that we were NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THE ELF!! Oops! Kaylea's eyes were HUGE! The book said that if we touched the Elf that he would lose his magic. I could tell that she was very concerned about this so I quickly recovered with "It's okay, we didn't know. We know now so we will put him back up and not touch him again. It'll be okay." :) She was nervous about it but I was able to convince her that it would be okay. The book also said that we had to name our Elf. So I told them to look at him closely and think of a name for him. Kaylea instantly said "He's smiling and looks happy so I think his name should be Happy." The boys agreed so that was his name. The kids were so funny. They would wake up first thing and go searching the house to see where he would be that morning. He sat on top of the stove, on top of the light fixture above the island, on the light fixture above the breakfast table, in the Christmas tree, on the decorations on the mantle to name a few. I think my favorite was in the freezer as I told the kids he must really miss being home at the North Pole and the freezer was the closest place that felt like it. :) Here's a picture of our little elf.
As the end of the school holidays approached, the twins were getting ready for their school play. The day that the kids found out what part they would be in the play, they could not wait to tell me. I picked them up from school and Kaylea said "Mama, guess what I'm going to be in our Christmas play? I'm going to be an Angel!" I said "Ohhhh, you are going to be beautiful" and she said "and guess what Drew is going to be? He's going to be the DONKEY" Before I could say anything, Drew said in such a proud voice " YES I AM, YES I AM GOING TO BE THE DONKEY!!!" haha...I knew that I couldn't laugh as it would just break his spirit so I just praised and him and asked him about his part. In the back of my mind I was thinking (and laughing), only MY child would be so proud to be a donkey! And it just so happens, he was the BEST donkey. He had his first solo singing part on a microphone. Such a big deal for him! Kaylea had a speaking part and she spoke so eloquently! I could not believe how good she did and was not shy one bit! Here are my Angel and Donkey. For the record, Will has decided that when he gets 5 he wants to be the donkey too! Talk about a Pridgen tradition! :)
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